You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
