Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
