Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
