; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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