i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
