Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can't turn off my feet"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
