oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize