You work out of a Hotel?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
