'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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