Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize