Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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