A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
did you just send me my own nude
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
