one two three fourrrrnication!
Too much gin, very little bucket
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
