I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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