just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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