I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
