We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
