____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
