Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
