Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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