Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
