ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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