6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
