there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
