They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
