Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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