i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
