I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
