That's intense
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
