It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
