I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
