apparently the secret to your success is patron
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
