why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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