her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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