She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
