i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
