I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize