dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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