I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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