I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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