Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
