So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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