I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
