I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sorry about my life...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
