I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
