big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
