Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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