I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
