Do vagina's smell?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
