My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
porn star boner night. come get it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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