I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize