dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
