I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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