she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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