i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
