I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
