Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
