meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
