dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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