he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Randomize
