the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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