Pappa wants mamma naked
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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