You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
