Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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