I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
