Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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