alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
