he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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