bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
